Episode 1003: Defensive= Never winning
Defensive equals never winning.
I swear this podcast is going to heal me and create the healthiest woman ever! This week was a week for letting my guard down and discontinuing defending myself. Man it was hard and felt awkward and led me to the realization that I have been defensiveness around everyone my whole life. What a waste of energy. I wanted to think of myself as a mature and accomplished person and if anyone suggested that I was different that what I hoped for in my mind’s eye, I put up a wall and walked away, not considering what they were saying to me.
Ken always told me, “I’m not attacking you.” And I didn’t think I believed that in the front of my mind but every time he made a suggestion, that is what I felt! He rarely made a suggestion I couldn’t use and after creating this podcast, I regret how much better I COULD have been if I had considered anything he told me.
I talked to my sister, Betsy, about this podcast and she suggested I look at Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. I mistakenly thought it was a book but it is this graphic that is packed with good information.
I tried the “antidote” almost immediately, putting it to work in my counseling session with Ken. It wasn’t perfect, because my tendency is to slide into defensiveness but compared to our first session, which was overflowing with defensiveness, it made a difference. I felt less burdened and Ken felt heard. Everyone won!
So the questions you have to consider are:
How do you react when you feel someone is judging your life?
What would happen if you let that other person describe your behavior in a less-than-positive way?
How can you take responsibility for your actions?
I want to say, BRAVO to you if you want to consider doing your interactions a different way! If you tried to take responsibility over defensiveness describe how it went. You know, for me it wasn’t perfect but I noticed an immediate difference. How about you? No, you can’t win with defensiveness but I can honestly say you can make a positive different if you shit to personal responsibilty. It did for me!